How to Get to Stalkless Land
by half of Twin
Summary: this is my version of Alice in Wonderland only its me going to Stalkless Land, and there's a stalker dude and i have a taser. i wish i really did have a taser  evil thoughts full of tasers . anyway, read and review! or I'll annoy you into it!
1. Chapter 1

**This is my weird version of Alice in Wonderland. Only I'm not Alice, and this isn't Wonderland. This is me getting to Stalkless Land.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Alice in Wonderland, I call dibs on Stalkless Land though, so deal with it people, get your own idea!**

**I'd like to thank paganpancakes for getting me started on writing and being an awesome friend, and Nyx's Pinky Girl for being the first to review ****I Just Wasted Your Time****, because I cant believe someone actually read my story. Now on with this stupidity! Sorry it's so short! I'll try to make it longer next time, I wont say that I will `cause I lie sometimes.**

How To Get To Stalkless Land

Lalalalalalalala…. So bored! Being stalked is more fun than...than…than whatever the heck I'm doing! Whoa, what the…! Dang, Billy stalking me again!

Billy saw that he wasn't exactly unnoticed (?) anymore, so he just ran toward me being that stupid stalker he is. So guess what? I ran away. Yep, real original, I know.

Well, since your reading this you SHOULD know my name, but I'm not gonna tell you `cause then YOU could stalk me. So forget it. You're either a weirdo, a bored person, some freak who sniffs bunnies, or a stalker. You know which one you are, even if I don't.

Anyway, I ran from Billy, Billy ran after me -what a loser-, so I ran into a Borders and hid in the girl's bathroom. What? I forgot my taser at home, and I was out of pepper spray! Billy stalks me a lot and even as a crazy stalker that seriously needs a shrink he wouldn't go into a girl's bathroom, in public at least. Thank you Borders! This is my new hide out from now on, since he FBI wont do anything to stop Billy from stalking me, jerks.

When Billy gave up and left (after hours of being stalkerish and annoying), I grabbed my favorite book- Gnomes, Gnomes, and Pants- and laid it open on the ground, you'll never believe what happened next, I jumped onto the book and…

**Ha! You guys really do need to guess, because I'm gonna be annoying and not tell you, yet. Its not what it seems to be I can tell you that. And yeah, I know its not really good, but I'm still gonna finish this story no matter what anyone says, or doesn't says. No, I will not work on my grammar; grammar is for people who care about grammar.**

**Review this! I command you!**

_Half of twin_

(*. *)^(*. *)^(*. *)


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two, this is still very short, but whatever. I have another story that follows this. It would be the same story, but this is just about HOW to get to Stalkless Land, not what happens when I get there. Now enjoy your pre-story argument-**

**Me- close the door dork**

**Brother- …**

**Me- please, and keep it closed**

**Brother- can you read my mind or something?**

**Me- yes**

**Brother- what am I thinking now?**

**Me-…oh will you just leave!**

**Brother- hehe**

**Now to the stupidity that I wrote and you are now reading!**

Chapter 2

When Billy gave up and left (after hours of being stalkerish and annoying), I grabbed my favorite book- Gnomes, Gnomes, and Pants- and laid it open on the ground. You'll never believe what I did next; I jumped on the book and...

…Nothing happened, so much for THAT plan. Nothing is that simple nowadays, stupid technology and books that only work as teleportation devices for Gnomelord (note to self, bring Gnomelord to borders next time). So, then I did what any sensible person wouldn't do, push the big, weird red button above the bookshelf. Because of course the warning didn't apply to me, just to the Billy's of the world and other freak stalkers-

WARNING- DO NOT PUSH IF A STALKER, OR BILLY. IF SO THEN CALL A DOCTOR OR THERAPST FOR YOUIR MANY ISSUES AND PROBLEMS, OR A COP WILL COME AFTER YOU WITH A TASER AND STRAIT JACKET. SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE TRIPPING, FALLING, PUSHING WEIRD BUTTONS, GETTING HIT ON THE HEAD A LOT, AND EXTEREM STUPIDITY.

-I'm the one being stalked and I'm already have a counselor at school, and I get hit on the head every sport I play (**this is true in my life, not just in this characters**), so…I have nothing to lose! Except Billy, but I want to lose him. That's why I was hiding from him, duh. I shouldn't have to explain this to you if you read the first chapter.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah! O.k., so the floor LOOKED like it fell away at my feet, when really it was just glass or something clear or whatever. Anyways, instead of falling the bookshelf opened up and I was sucked into the wall. And all this in a Borders! Talk about storage space. And stupid Hollywood effects, gosh, this world is no longer original is it?

And being the klutzy me I am, I tripped, and was knocked out. Yeaaah, I'm not very bright, or careful, but I am very awesome. I woke up and found myself in the Land of Lautner, and let me tell ya, I wasn't complaining, I was freaking out (and not in a good way)! Then I found a taxi and I was cool. I got a flight on Air Hippie- Let Your Spirit Fly Free (even though the flight isn't)- for five bucks and my peace sign bracelet. And let me be the one to warn you, in flight entertainment is some yoga dude in a funny hat playing the sitar and bongos, so FYI: it totally sucked!

Yeah, so I got off the plane, grabbed my luggage (when did I pack for this?) and went to my hotel –the Stalk Free Inn (again, room wasn't free)- and found Billy in my hotel room.

"Oh, come on!"

**Wow, Billy got skillz, and creepiness. Now, I know what your thinking, `cause I can read minds through computer screens, and yes, this is a very true story…in my imagination.**

**Review this! I command you!**

_**Half of twin**_

**8.D (*. *) ^(*. *)^ (*. *) (. 8**


End file.
